


Stop myself (Only human)

by ofreverentia



Series: Only Human [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Based on a Calum Scott song, Casual Sex, Cheating, M/M, Secret Relationship, Song Lyrics, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 18:44:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17872754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofreverentia/pseuds/ofreverentia
Summary: Oh but II'm only humanHow am I supposed to stop myselfFrom loving you, loving you, yeah





	Stop myself (Only human)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Yuzu POV - not related to the previous works in the series, it is more of an individual story of its own

_ Driven to the fire _

_ Take it back to where we started _

_ Till we crash and burn again _

_ Now I got it to a science _

_ All this sabotage between us _

_ Dancing on a razor's edge _

 

Yuzuru gazed at the pictures cluttering his fake Twitter account timeline. So many people kept sharing the pictures from the Olympics and Fantasy on ice. There was no angle he had not seen at least a dozen of times, he knew he should not be doing this to himself but here he was liking so many of them and staring at each different version or sometimes the same ones. The history between them was long, memories, fights and so many missed opportunities. Yuzuru knew he should have maybe done something about this in the past or maybe not. One time they try and didn’t turn out all too good for either of them, especially for him, broken hearted and sobbing into his pillow on so many nights after, ignoring how he still could smell Javier's cologne on his sheets.

 

_ Where does it start, where does it end _

_ Two nights ago my broken heart was on the mend _

_ Know I should go but it's so hard when you walk in _

_ I'm not myself when we're apart, I can't pretend _

 

Training was not the same, there was an obvious empty spot each time he did stroking practice with Tracy. The return of Javier always delayed by some media appearances in Spain, or his own ice show. Words of how he wanted to win his seventh European title carelessly thrown around. He lacked practice and as the days progressed, now with his own injury as well, Zhenyas issues, Jun and his constant boot issues, TCC truly missed a special sunshine to brighten up the atmosphere. 

 

Yuzuru returned to the ice beginning of January, starting out slow and in his happiness of being back where he belonged he completely forgot Javier was scheduled for training as well. He returned a few weeks before Europeans to drill down his jumps and whatever he lacked on. Seeing the Spaniard tipped him off his balance, nearly tripping on his toepick. Yuzuru swallowed his emotions down, eyes locking with soft brown ones across the ice. Without thinking he rushed to the other, throwing himself in his arms. The warmth he got enveloped him made him shiver stronger than any cold arena could.

 

“Habi…” He whispered, earning a hum against his ear, a large palm resting comfortable on the small of his back. Yuzuru let out a shaky breath pulling back to smile at Javier. “Welcome back.”

 

_ Oh but I _

_ I'm only human _

_ How am I supposed to stop myself _

_ From loving you, loving you, yeah _

 

_ I'm only human _

_ I'm about to do the thing I know _

_ I shouldn't do, shouldn't do, yeah _

 

2015 was his year, everything went good and he was running on a high for months, nothing could really stop him. Even in the beginning of 2016 he savoured the feeling. Javiers went just as good and when he returned with another European title the two as if they could read each other's mind, finally allowed years of tension to be taken care of. For the first time Javier went over to Yuzurus apartment. With only the two of them in the apartment soon  they had hands and fingers digging into naked skin. Yuzuru arched from his bed and moaned loud with each drive into his body, nails digging into Javiers biceps surely leaving angry marks behind. Yuzuru will never forget the expression on the olders face, the intense pleasure and the way he moaned his name at his own peak. After they laid squished next to each other in the small bed, content and just a bit cheeky about all the marks they left on the others body. Yuzuru never felt happier than in that moment, even if reality came crashing down soon after.

 

_ We don't know how the story's gonna end _

_ But I know you're gonna break my heart again _

_ I'm only human, how am I supposed to stop myself _

_ From loving you, loving you, yeah _

 

Yuzuru quickly learned that what he felt towards Javier was much stronger than what the Spaniard truly felt. When it came to the physical they were the best combination and it always left Yuzuru feeling great for days if not weeks but that was all there could ever be between them. He knew yet here he was knocking on Javiers door after practice, stepping inside and without delay moving to the bedroom. At first he stayed the night but with the traces of someone else spending their time around from time to time, he stopped. His breathing barely calmed down but he already reached for his discarded clothes, ignoring the warm hands reaching for him.

 

_ Having a disaster _

_ In the middle of the madness _

_ Hard to tell which one is which _

_ Always caught up the morning after _

_ When I'm reaching out to hold ya _

_ Nothing on my fingertips _

 

Summer shows always an opportunity to continue what they may stop during the peak season but a year after they started Yuzuru put an end to it. Javier didn’t appear to be bothered by it, he had a girlfriend waiting for him back in Spain once he goes for his usual break. Yuzuru won’t be able to allow himself any kind of distraction right before the Olympics and as he spoke that to be his reason the Spaniard agreed without further comments. To him it was just something he could enjoy between two competitions or in break time, when his girlfriend was not available. Yuzuru knew, painfully aware of what he really was to Javier, it didn’t hurt less. Especially when he was madly in love and now he put a stop to the only way he could ever be with the older male.

 

_ Oh but I _

_ I'm only human _

_ How am I supposed to stop myself _

_ From loving you _

 

_ I'm only human _

_ I'm about to do the thing I know _

_ I shouldn't do, shouldn't do, yeah _

 

Yuzuru opened the door to his apartment, smiling at Javier and stepping aside to let him come in. Two weeks and he would be permanently moving back to Spain. He knew he shouldn’t but the moment he felt lips on his own he forgot about the rest of the world.


End file.
